Today began my new job, my new life really. My day began at 4am with the baby waking up not ready to return to slumber and ends about now at midnight listening to “Wonderful Maker” by headphones, with my husband and children asleep, typing away as I hope to capture the magic and new breathe of this day.
I am a full time mother. A Professional Parent.
I never though this could be mine – I didn’t even pray for it. These last six or so months I simply prayed, “God make a way.” Just make a way – a way for me to not drive away from my children each morning, not to dress and rush out the door each day, not to turn down my son’s pleading to have a book read to him when I have a work event, not to wonder what they are doing or if they are happy. And each day as I drove them to daycare (at a wonderful provider’s home by the way) I would pray this out loud as well as my daily prayers for my boys. God – please make a way. And then one day, and every day in between, He did.
Evening swim lessons were the only after work activity I could find for my older son – all the other mommy and me stuff is at noon on a Wednesday. We would race in fifteen minutes late as I coordinated a ballet of daycare pick ups, did I pack the swim diapers?, where is your daddy?, and does the baby have enough food to make it until we get home?. As I watched my husband and little guy in the water, I would notice the other moms. Two in particular – very pretty and equally as nice. And I would envy them as stay at home parents. An emotion I have blessedly experienced very little of in my life – but simply put, I wanted what they had… time. Time with their children. Time to get to know them and learn their ways and patterns and be alive with them in each day. I wanted to cast off the sweat, stress, endless menagerie of schedules and strategic life coordination. I wanted the biggest event of my day to be teaching my children new words, going to the museum, finger painting and not rushing through their lives. I didn’t want to miss out. I wanted my heart’s priority to be the reality of my days – not the afterthought of an exhausted woman offering crumbs to her opus – her children.
Back in October my husband and I first began talking about a change in our dual working lives. And by ‘change’ I mean I brought up the idea of working part time, scared the heck out of him, caused immense stress, and began praying. We talked about it often: going through the motions of speaking to respective bosses, pursuing whether or not there was a position for me with our mutual employer and could we survive on the reduced income? My wonderful friend, a former corporate accountant who also stayed home, wisely told me, “The money will never work out on paper, you just have to jump.” Faith. And from a woman who knows a thing or two about money. As we walked each day, through exploratory meetings, and considering the options, God’s hand was becoming so clear: No part time option was materializing and simultaneously I needed to give my boss notice of my last day so they could fill the full time plus position I was confident I no longer wanted.
“So I think I just quit my job” was all I could say to my friends and husband because it felt so accidental in circumstance, but I know the greater truth – God was giving me the desire of my heart. The prayer I didn’t even pray.
[Bless the LORD] who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.—Psalm 103:5
June 3rd, I walked out the door of my office building for the last time and felt exhilarating freedom in every cell in my body – FREE. Now my day’s activities match up with my heart’s desire.
And now begins one of the greatest adventures of my life. Praise the God of amazing gifts!